Thursday, July 8, 2010

My 'fun bags' are just fine!

A recent article published by the UK-based "Mother & Baby" magazine has garnered a lot of attention for the author's unapologetic admission of her choice not to breastfeed her baby. In her article "I formula-fed. So what?", Kate Blundell confesses that the idea of latching a baby to her 'fun bags' is creepy,

And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.

While I'm all for choice, and I would never begrudge anyone's decision not to breastfeed their child (quite frankly, it's none of my business), it's extremely disappointing to read such drivel in a publication whose sole purpose is to educate mothers and mothers-to-be. Blundell pays a little lip service to the benefits of breastfeeding, however, by her choice of words, it's clear that she doesn't really believe breastmilk is superior to formula,

...there are studies that show it reduces the risk of breast cancer for you, and stomach upsets and allergies for your baby. But even the convenience and supposed health benefits of breastmilk couldn’t induce me to stick my nipple into a bawling baby’s mouth.

Back to Blundell's original point, that breastfeeding her baby would compromise her sex life, if anyone actually believes that, I'm going to point out the obvious: it's not the breastfeeding that will affect your sex life, it's the baby who will affect your sex life! Unless you're Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and you can hand your child army off to a fleet of nannies when you retire to your chambers, postpartum intimacy will be different than pre-pregnancy intimacy, that's just a given. Parenting is tiring for both moms and dads, and there will be many (many!) times that the sweet siren of a good sleep will be more alluring than a quick roll in the hay.

Despite gestating, birthing, and breastfeeding four children, while they might not be as perky as they once were, my 'fun bags' have held up quite well, thankyouverymuch, inflating from a measly C cup to a respectable set of double D's (to paraphrase my husband, 'yowzas!'). However, as nice as they may be, I will admit that for the past ten years, the old 'fun bags' have taken a backseat in the bedroom. Considering the workout they get through the day (and how!), I like to give them the night off. The last thing I want to think of when I'm, um, *you know*, is my baby. Clearly, sidelining the old 'fun bags' has not had a detrimental effect on our sex life, given the fact I've managed to spit out three more babies since the start of my breastfeeding career.

Rather than speculating about the effects of breastfeeding on her 'fun bags', Blundell should be more concerned about the eventual effects of gravity, as you get older, your breasts get longer; your nipples will slowly gravitate towards your belly button -- sad, but true! Not to worry, however, it's nothing a good bra (or a boob job, if you're so inclined) can't remedy. You can't foil the unfoilable, and Mother Nature is pretty darn unfoilable!

I do wonder what Blundell's thoughts are on babies and vaginas, did she schedule a c-section to spare her 'fun box' the horrors of a vaginal delivery? I fully expect a follow-up article, "I had a C-section. So what?" Don't worry, there won't be a blog post detailing the state of my 'fun box', some things are just off-limits!


  1. LOL Oh, how you crack me up! :D My "fun bags" are also off-limits when breastfeeding -- definitely in the "look, don't touch" category -- but breastfeeding three babies has left a lot more to look at! 34B to (atm) 34 H/I!

    That article in equal parts annoyed me and made me laugh. You need a Wente chaser:

    Who knew we were so oppressed? ;)

  2. I only wish that I could get my LO latched onto my fun bags!

  3. Aw, c'mon Susie - you're not going to dish it wrt your funbox?! lol

    I hear you on wanting to leave the funbags out of it. These girls just don't want to be about that these days.

    What an odd article - unfortunately articles like this and the one in the The Atlantic ( do much damage out there. Like that anti-cloth diapering wave created by a since-dis-proven (I know, not a real word - too lazy to find the right word...) study showing that the water used to wash diapers cancels their environmental benefits.

    Christine V

  4. Just like my kids, mommy and her fun bags do need time outs. DH does get to play with them about once every two months or so, but he knows better than to touch without the ok from me. Then the fun bags are a lot of fun for him, too.

    The creepy thing would be if your lover induced lactation!